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Personally seek out wisdom from others about handling life’s midpoint hurdles, including existential reckonings, waning significance, growing a neck akin to a surrealist painting plus a fresh interest for A Place in the Sun. Lately, I read Jamie Oliver’s words about hitting fifty during a chat: “Trimming unnecessary clutter is key to enjoying your later years,” he noted. “Spend time with positive individuals. I steer clear of downbeat types – ‘energy vampires’ – and am learning to decline more often.”

Initially, I wondered: doesn’t this conflict regarding shunning downbeat folks and mastering refusal? Might that suggest he must escape his own nature? I realize – that’s typical energy vampire talk, and I admit I fit the description. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). I’ll accept “downbeat cashmere throw”, at a pinch.

It’s possible you’re also a member. Are you less the life and soul of the party and more its accountant or undertaker? Does your thorough reply to casual greetings make people step back nervously? Do proposed “enjoyable” plans trigger a visage akin to having ingested something unpleasant? Do you strongly identify with Eeyore; has a psychic ever told you your aura is grey?

If so, you’re one of us, but it’s OK. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. I imagine a negative type would have voiced caution – or pulled a disapproving expression – when Jamie mentioned his children’s book idea featuring an Indigenous protagonist without proper consultation, potentially averting numerous issues, hurt, and anger. You don’t get that sort of service from “lovely people”.